Everything Else is Prologue

Just sitting here listening to Pandora radio.   Waiting for something better to come along.   That seems to be what I've been doing lately--a whole lot of waiting.  Not much has changed in life these days, aside from the way I've been thinking about myself.

I'm still currently jobless, bored, and a bit unmotivated to change those things at least for the day.

I'm over time breaking my record for sleeping late into the day.  I probably slept 12 hours give or take.  That isn't exactly the key for being productive.  I don't mind being so unproductive when I haven't yet found something to push me into it.  I check the job listings, not as often as I need to but I check them and apply for everything I could see myself doing.  Opportunities are slim some days, but I'll eventually get the motivation I need.

Things in my mind are great.  Breakdowns have been manageable.  I've given up on being worried, stressed and co-dependent.  I'm just trying to make my own way, which is still a mystery to me.  I'll make whatever mistakes I need to make in order to find myself and find the path I need to be on.

I've sadly lost a lot of friends a long the way in my life, recently attempted to re-connect with a few and reach out to a few new ones.  It is nice to talk some days, other days I still remain anti-social, but that's okay.  That's me, a part of me, and I can deal with it however I like. 

I need to find something to do today.  I'm considering following the path of the Samurai, at least for Monster Hunter Tri, and maybe a bit of it in my life.  Video games are a welcome distraction for when I'm playing them to play instead of trying to fill a void.

There isn't really so much a void anymore--I don't feel empty, I feel more complete, more at peace than I have been in years.  I accept myself more for who I am instead of who I want to be or how other people see me.  I can make myself into a stronger person, but I'm still just me.  We too often in our lives let outside influences define who we are.  I've let too many other people define me, but I'm backing away from that. 

The world is best faced with a whole heart and not someone who is trying to fight the pieces he doesn't like. 

Currently I don't have much going on--I've been watching more Heroes, and I've been listening to Wizard's First Rule for hours at night, and I've been catching up with friends when I can.

Other than that I've been contemplating if Captain America is a better hero than Superman, as Captain America would never renounce his U.S. citizenship. 

I think my story in this world is still unfolding, just beginning--everything else is prologue. My past cannot be changed, my future hasn't happened, and as for me currently living in the moment, the present, I have the power to shape the future while never forgetting the past and where I came from.