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Another day, I had almost forgotten what day it was to be honest.  Another day sleeping in, but I still have a bit of time to be a little productive before the day is out.

I have been continuing my journey into the show of "Heroes" and am now to the end of the first season.  It's quite entertaining and I do love the characters, especially Hiro.

Today was another peaceful day of mind, and I think that is a good start.  I have been telling myself to apply for a certain customer service job, but I continue to procrastinate.  I think if I do get an interview with this place this time will be different.  I've had three failed interviews, but I've never really inspired confidence.  I want the world to see the inward change I feel within myself.  It's nice not carrying around a feeling of selfloathing. 

I have not yet begun to shape the outward world to my liking, but instead have continued to build confidence within myself.  That is such a good feeling and I'm making progress.  Progress is better than stagnation.

Today I purchased a losing lottery ticket (again). And I played a coin dozer and lost all the money I put into it (again).  This was the expected outcome so it wasn't so bad--however I crave the unexpected outcomes that are possible but so obviously hard to repeat.  Like the time I won $500 on a $2 scratch off ticket, or the time I put a few quarters in the dozer and came away with more than $15 in quarters, my pocket was packed full of change.  Those are nice moments, but not typical of gambling.

In other news I bought a cup of crickets (of which I am counting each to determine how close it actually is to 50 as labeled), and my turtle was quite overjoyed to receive an abundant feast.  Though he still had to chase down the ones he chomped on.  It was quite entertaining watching a animal considered slow move very fast. 

I could compare myself to my turtle.  I spent most of time living in my shell, afraid to stick my neck out as that is the easiest way for it to be chopped off.  However I am determined to live more for the moment and less for the past, while being less worried about the future.  It is still good to be mindful of such things, however not racking my brain so much that it prevents clear thought from actually happening.  I feel such a change, I've let go a bit and it feels great to feel so free. 

Maybe I will do what I meant to do today, but at the very least I'm giving myself a strict deadline of midnight tomorrow.  I tend to work better with deadlines.