Equilibrium

I've been going through a bit of a struggle within myself for a while now.  I've been living my life co-dependently, basically I have been letting other people define me and go with the flow.  I've decided I'm not just going to go with the flow anymore, but actually make my own flow for once.  I'm gonna do what I want.

What I want right now is not to sleep, though it's late and I probably should.  I want to stay awake a little longer and cherish the peacefulness of night, maybe while I listen to some good music.  I spent the better part of the day rebuilding my music library and even expanding--so I've got to learn to take advantage of such things.

I really feel like things are going to be different, I feel like the cloud is beginning to lift a little.  I feel hopeful, and I know that is the way to start.  I'm so sick of just getting by, I want to flourish and have my own personal renaissance. 

I don't think I'm here to just be a follower. I'm here to make my own path--as someone once told me, "You were born an original, don't die a copy."

Bliss comes from within first, so I've decided that is what I need to do.  Today I was perfectly happy and honestly I didn't do anything differently besides deciding to just be happy. 

I know everyday will not be this way, there will still be days when the world feels like it is crashing down on me.  But today is not that day, so that makes this an absolute victory. 

The world keeps spinning as we all trying to hang on.  Sometimes it's a hard thing to do when we feel like we are falling apart.

I don't feel broken today, I actually have a bit of self-respect.  There have been other moments where I thought I would have a turning point--but I was never truly committed.  I want to be now, because change has to come. "I'm getting too old for this shit."

We all can be our own heroes, if we decide to.  I'm not happy with the way my life is--but guess what? I have the power to change it. 

And now I'm sleepy...

ZZZZZZzzzzz....