The Lost Entry

Yesterday or the day before I wrote an entry of how I wanted to escape everything and just start over.  I'm my mind however I'm not so sure that would be the best thing.  I think perhaps the time has come to enjoy the things I've learned and the experiences I've had thus far.

I've not led a bad life. No, not at all.  Went to college, got a degree, tried getting a real job.  Settled for a dead-end job.  Where I work does not define me, only me.  I still know what I need to do: Get a car (sold mine a few years ago) and just see the world a bit better.  I'm never going to have experiences just sitting around playing computer games and remembering how great life used to be.  Or complaining about how my friends have all gone away.  Perhaps this is the time in my life when I can still reinvent myself.  After all "I'm not dead yet."

It would be nice to work for a newspaper again and see if I had what it takes to make it, you sort of lose confidence when places don't hire you even though you thought you did everything right (or write).

My life is still a story with chapters unwritten, challenges yet to unfold--and yet I seem unable to get out of this rut I've been in for the past few years.  It is hard for other people to really believe in you when you don't believe in yourself.

My lost entry was all about escape, but perhaps all I do in my life is escape to begin with--television, movies, books, video games and anything else that takes my mind of life.  I admit I do a lot of sleeping.  All this wasted time and I still seem unable to truly move.

These days keep passing by and everything is changing.  As for me change comes very, very slowly.  Many people I graduated with are leading great lives, holding great careers, starting families and just settling down with a bit more security than I have.

I'm not who I want to be, nor who I need to be.  I need to change myself.  Where do I start?

"All that is gold does not glitter, 
Not all those who wander are lost; 
The old that is strong does not wither, 
Deep roots are not reached by the frost. 

From the ashes a fire shall be woken, 
A light from the shadows shall spring; 
Renewed shall be blade that was broken, 
The crownless again shall be king." 
— J.R.R. Tolkien (The Fellowship of the Ring)