Decide that since I was up and already working on this blog, I would formulate a post. At this moment, I know I don't have many readers. I'm trying to still remember that this blog is for me so I don't have to write for an audience anyways. However, I feel my journalistic training kicking in a bit.
I've been depressed all day, most of the time to the point of where I can't even move or think straight. I made myself sick today being depressed about things I have no real control over. The fact is I'm tired of being rejected--I feel like the world has rejected me, which makes me feel like a bit of an outcast. Some rejections hurt more than others, but I know I've got to get over that. I can't control other people, I only have the power to shape my reactions to those people. It has been a lonely day, truly lonely--I didn't really get the chance to talk to anyone, which saddens me.
Most likely I'm going to spend the rest of this night, err into morning watching movies. I've discovered a few that seem interesting enough. I truly feel I need to find some real life friends, as it seems to be hard enough keeping up with my Internet friends who seem non-existent and some points. I'm hanging out with a long lost real friend on Monday, and I'm making plans with another.
My job search is sluggish, it is hard going after a job when the market is small and you don't truly believe in yourself. My problems are I have no faith nor confidence in my own self. I can't see how people could actually just like me; as in previously stated I feel much like a social outcast.
I think I've gotten sucked into the Internet world a bit too much and maybe the time has come to live in reality again. The reality where I don't spend hours on the net, but the reality where maybe I delve into a book, or watch a movie. I can't remember the last time I watched my favorite movie in length without taking in other distractions.
Honestly I don't think the Internet will miss me so much as I was never popular on social media or anything like that to begin with.
Tomorrow I think I will go out around my neighborhood with a camera and see if anything in life is worth capturing. Maybe, maybe not. Since I am spending so much time awake it may be difficult to wake up at a decent time.
Option #2 If I do not go out I will find 3 blogs to read and make friends with the authors of those blogs. There might even be a chance I end up doing both.
Alright, it's movie time, I'm laying down my fedora now.
This is the place I come to be with my thoughts. To remember where I come from and to imagine where I'm going. We cannot change the past but we can change the future.
I wasn't able to sleep last night, because I was thinking similar things to you. I don't have hardly any r.l. friends, but I'm too shy to make them. Plus I honestly, just don't like going out :P I'm a bit of a loner, but I don't mind, I like being alone or just with my hubby. I think the majority of the world will make you think your different or odd for being a loner, but there are a heck of alot of people that feel like social outcasts, more than you may realise.
ReplyDeleteWell it turns out you are a whole lot like me. I'm reclusive and reserved--I have become a loner who doesn't like to go out. Real life friends are also hard to come by for me. I don't mind being alone, but at the same time sometimes you like to have people around. If you had to put a percentage on those who feel like social outcasts, what would you say the number was?
ReplyDelete