When Insomnia Strikes Back

I wasn't feeling so well earlier so I took two melatonin and went to bed at 9PM, however I only ended up sleeping for about three and a half hours. This leaves me lying in bed right now somewhere between being asleep and being awake.

I had so hoped I could correct my sleep schedule before Monday, Monday most likely is going to suck with work...

I find myself pondering all the mysteries of the universe at this point. Just lying here thinking about all the people who have past through my life and all the people who I don't really know anymore. It saddens me. Sometimes I wish that my words had the power to bring them all back.

I remember blogging at one time long ago, writing such utterly depressing blogs looking for sympathy. I never want to do that again as it was so selfish of me--I wanted everyone's pity and through that it didn't lead to any form of real connection at all.

I've come a long way since being an "emo kid" as some people would say. I've learned to control my emotions better or at least learned to not let them overwhelm me for days and days. Progress sometimes only happens one day at a time.

I want to have true friendships again, though I've become so anti-social it's so hard to really meet people. Anyone out there interested in becoming email penpals? I'd love to practice writing a bit more with a few of you; while getting to know you better

Life hasn't turned out the way I've wanted it to, I know it is up to me alone to change things, but where do you go when you've lost direction and are spinning about? I want to feel the emotion I feel when learning about someone for the first time and really hitting it off.

I think it may be time for me to attempt a reconnect with the few people I know how to find.

I so very much hate to lose touch; in a world where we have email, Facebook and twitter I have still never felt so disconnected from people. I need to get out and live life a little bit better as "I'm getting too old for this shit."

It's hard transitioning from the world of school where you feel like you can do well without even truly trying to living in a world where the harder you try the more you seem to fall flat on your face.

I want to feel alive, to taste victory, and I want to see the world before it is too late. I feel like I am trapped in a box unable to claw my way out and just feel better.

I'm out of touch and as I said many years ago that still rings true: I am of this world, but not part of it.

I've never really found any place where I truly felt at home, even where I grew up I had my head in the clouds and lived my life chasing stars.

Where do I go from here?