I have to say that this rule often applies in my case. Often in being quixotic I tend to let my emotions lead me rather than my actual mind. There is much strength to be found in reason and acting rationally, but when I see something I desire I often do not wish to accept that which is unattainable. In life by going by feelings rather than both feelings and reason I've gone down paths that have ultimately been left to failure. How many bridges burn and how many friendships lost due to unrequited love? I'm not sure I have an answer. But it's just too bad. Somewhere along the way of failing so much I built the wall just a little high. Something would come along and knock it down and I'd put it up again just a little bit higher.
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them." ~Thoreau
The reality is that the reality of the world may never be is good as the world I imagine in my own mind. I'd have to say I believe in karma, but the question is where did I go wrong that I can't figure out what to do with my life? I'm content with my world for now, but it could be so much greater. I just don't know where to turn in order to change things. I've been looking in my mind for many years for the answer but I can only conclude that the answer is somewhere out in the world. It doesn't help to seek an answer when you can't go out in find it.
Last night I felt depressed and after I consumed a large helping of Doritos I discovered that perhaps it was do to blood sugar issues. I should probably go to the doctor again, when I can afford to do so as I stand at high risk for diabetes--firstly it is hereditary, and also I don't diet and exercise like I should, plus when I get in a depressed mood I often stress eat in order to try to fill up a void.
Something has got to change. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to go back to work tomorrow as I've called the second time for no answer and I was told previously the 29th so that is the date I'm going with unless they call me and tell me otherwise. I left a voicemail. I'm currently on unemployment and food stamps due to being unable to find a job--but truthfully even if I dislike my job I'd rather be working instead of just receiving those. I'm still very much in the red and the lack of money to pay bills is at a critical level.
I've been playing the game of nationstates twice a day every day and I feel like my nations are doing quite well. My oldest and greatest being Palidor where despite my own political beliefs I decided to outlaw political freedom. It is deemed a "Father Knows Best State" and I think that perhaps this is how I will run my own country someday, or perhaps the world. Giving a large amount of civil liberties and yet cutting out an actual political system as the system has been doing quite crappy for its citizens as of late.
I got the game Siege Hero the other day for my ipod and I've been playing it frequently enough to unlock all the gamecenter achievments but one. Currently ranked #2,782 out of 807, 451 people. Game play is parellel to angry birds as you are trying to knock down castles or "sieges" in attempt to crush the enemy characters as well as to not harm the captive peasants on levels that have peasants. It doesn't have a slingshot like angry birds but instead you just tap a place on the castle and fire. So very addicting and it is still free if you have an ipod/iphone.
Right now I'm going to find something to do, my eyes start hurting after staring at a computer screen for too long, so a quick rest is in order and then onto livejournal comments.
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