It has probably been a while since I wrote a proper blog that didn't come out as if it were just a bunch of tweets strung together. Twitter has been a wonderful thing for when I am totally spaced out and unable to form more complex trains of thought. Sometimes my attention span is very, very small and I use my free time very, very badly.
Today is Saturday and I am sick with a cold, or something that has given me this horrible sore throat and the desire to do absolutely nothing. I stayed up late into the night just listening to music and generally having no desire to really go to bed. I also watched the Other Guys, again as we have been quoting it extensively at work between my own Talladega Nights quotes that I am throwing out there, "Shake and Bake!" Through this I found myself doing something I have never done at work: laughing. I was filled with good cheer at a place that I have hated experiencing for years and I began to wonder if I am the same person or growing into someone new.
The pressure to be whatever anyone else wants is totally off my back, I am only what I make myself to be. I write my own definition and don't base it off the ideals of other people. I could label myself slacker somedays or corporate slave other days, but I'm most simply just me--the product of my experiences and the people I've met along paths in time.
I feel weird saying this but work is good and I'm having fun doing something that I never imagined I would. It is only a temporary stop along my life's path and I feel that the next junction in my journey is coming up soon. I've been trying new things and I'm always on the look out for signs of change. I'm working on bettering myself inside as a person and being as kind as I can to the outside world--I'm hoping that I will find a star to wish upon and find the change I've desired for years.
The more I learn about me however the more disconnected I feel from the world as many of my deep connections with people have fallen away and I've had trouble establishing new ones. I cannot bring the people back into my life who have gone out of it--but I can remember them as they are forever a part of me.
I'm drifting away to something new, something better than I've felt. The cloud of depression will continue to lift and I will continue to overcome all my own little insecurities. I still have my flaws I realize and I still have my scars--but as for fear that is also beginning to drift away.
There are positives and negatives in everything I realize and I hate being sick but I love just being able to lie around all day and watch movies or listening to music--tweet or even blog.
I do not regret the past and the choices I made, I only remember the failures as a stairstep to achievement--I hope it doesn't take too long to get to a greater chapter in my life but I do resolve to be "happy-go-lucky" until I get there.
No comments:
Post a Comment