On the Upswing

There are very few positive moments in being depressed--on occasion I have the habit of feeling lower than low.  Despite being down there is still a positive--how I feel when I start rising back up and actually realize it.  At my highest point I tend to be more productive and generally my mind starting thinking positively.  From positive thinking I tend to become more creative overall.  Currently I am planning on launching a second blog--this one purely for writing and writing prompts.  I'm not sure when I will actually start, but probably very soon.

Tomorrow I'm going to go see about a job, not the job I want but the job I need to pay bills.  Blogging isn't going to be paying my bills anytime soon, but perhaps one day I could be a professional blogger or at least make a bit more money with writing than I am now.  I've always been told I had skills in the written word, but the important thing is proving it to myself.  Sometimes a job just has to be a job out of need because sadly we can't get everything we want.  However, I'm open to things that can surprise me and help me grow not only as a writer but as a person. I will be a writer all my life and the important thing is to hold the passion, not making money at it.  I'm not sure what my purpose on earth is, but I doubt it has anything to do with making money.

Also the Netflix prices went up and I'm not all that happy about it.  Just another thing in the world that takes something previously affordable and good and messes it up.  I wish that I could come up with an idea that could make millions of people happy and yet I didn't get greedy and try to make even more money.  Maybe movies are a thing of the past--maybe it is time to go back to reading books.

You can tell I'm feeling better when I say today was not simply uneventful, and that everything has its purpose at least in my mind.  The more I get up and do the same thing everyday the more I get pushed into the decision to change and make life better.  I've got to grow up and mature a little bit, which has turned into a slow process for me.

I'm happy just to be writing I realize, and I'm happy to have a few people along for the ride who desire to read.  Not everyone desires to read everything I have to write--but I still have twitter for my scatterbrained thoughts, which give the general idea.  Social media is something that has become a part of our lives.  Another way the Internet takes an idea of keeping in touch, but sometimes puts us a little too in touch perhaps.

Sometimes I write just to write, free thought/ free writing are wonderful things and help us explore things we would not otherwise have thought of about ourselves.  Every world brings us closer to that mystery that is our soul--but it would take a lifetime to truly know ourselves I guess.

I played around on Google+ and will most likely be updating my account to this site as well.  I don't truly need it as I have blogger and twitter, which are the prime combination for me.  (Not to mention Digg when my mind is curious) but in order to explore the world outside of me it would be nice for keeping in touch and meeting new people.  I hope that it allows me to meet new people.  I could meet tons of new friends on myspace, but on facebook every time I tried to add someone random they would think me a creep.  Another way social media is flawed, I don't want to just chat with all the people I know already--I want to expand my horizons as well.  It is always good to keep in touch with people of note--most of my people of note will already be reading this as I've been quite selective of who I've actually given my blog link to.

I think I might try a bit of Wii sports tonight, I'm feeling a bit more active today.  I might even go for a walk, take some photos, try something new.  My downfall is my unproductive routine.  Most days the most productive thing I do all day is sit down for a period of time and write out a blog.  Most everything else just seems to be time passing. The problem with time passing is there is never enough time to spare when the clocking is ever counting down.
----------------------------------------------------------
On the blog page today I have added the option to follow me directly as previously only you could follow by email.  I also recently posted a poll regarding Google+ but will stop posting polls if nobody truly takes an interest.  As always my twitter feed is located at the top of the blog under the blog photo, and the Digg feed is located at the bottom of the page.  Thank you, and have a very nice day.
----------------------------------------------------------

Depressing as depressions

I can't shake this overwhelming feeling of depression I have today.  These rain clouds over my head never seem to truly want to go away.  I'd like for once to be just a little bit happy, but most days I'm not sure if I can.  I'm feeling just like a nobody, and maybe that is who I am in the sense of the world.  I can't seem to dig myself out of the rut I'm in and it makes me wonder if I ever will truly feel alive.

Nothing productive today...but I was entertained by the game on my iPod called Gun Bros.  Jut another way to forget reality I suppose.  Reality seems to sink me like a stone often and keep me in the rut.  I want to do greater things, but I wonder if I can will myself to do those things.

I've been trying out Google+ a bit more and while it is slow going it will be my social media, should I decide I want a social media at all.  I might keep a small profile with this google name, and will most likely be keeping a name for people who know me in real life as well.  I haven't decided as well.  Online friends for this name, people I know for the other?  The good thing about my profile with this name is I get to be somebody else for a while.  I like going by a different name, being anonymous basically.  Plus I like how much control Google+ gives over the information I send and receive.

It is apparent that I will never be using this blog for business, so I am contemplating taking down my one ad that so far hasn't paid a cent.  It begs the question of how many people actually click on ads, probably not all that many really.

The best thing about my experiences thus far, it has given me the chance to learn a bit more of Blogger, and like all Google products it tends to be superior at least in my mind.

I decided to change my browser as well to Google Chrome, I'm showing my support for you Google!

I might make a few more tweaks to my blog as I feel in a better state of mind.  I've come to enjoy writing like this and a bit of practice is a good thing.  I have to write everyday or I'd truly go crazy.  Today is just an off day, I don't think any one thing triggered me feeling this way.

Thankfully I have Twitter for my incoherent thoughts and Digg to explore the world a bit more closely that just what is on the surface of things.

I wonder if I am really cut out for social media, anti-social media perhaps, but I'm going to give it one more go with google+ and should I get bored, I've still got my blog and my tweets, which seem to fit my personality a bit more anyways.

I might go out and post my blog address somewhere, but I'm not sure where yet.  I'm as always a work in progress.

Google + invites

Comment with your email to get yours.  I will delete your comment after I send your invite to keep your privacy.

Feel free to check out my blog while your here, thanks.

Revolution

I took a few pills to help me sleep last night as I wasn't getting to bed otherwise and I ended up sleeping a long time.  When I finally awoke, no Internet.


Having no Internet for a few hours made me realize how dependent on it I am, and the rest of society as well.  I had flashbacks to a South Park episode about the Internet. I was going crazy and being bored just not having it for a few hours as I seem to depend on it for all my entertainment and information as well as just keeping in touch with the rest of the world.  I use it everyday for hours upon hours a day, and it makes me wonder--how did I become so invested in something that didn't exist that long ago?  I spent several hours trying to fix the router/modem myself by myself with basically just unplugging them and plugging them back in.  The cure-all for technology in theory.  Finally realizing I wasn't going to be able to fix the problem myself I was forced to call my internet provider.  From that call I talked to a computerized voice for about 10 minutes until I talked to an actual person--for which a solution was found.

I used the internet for email, for blogging(yeah!), for music and even for movies....and many of my favorite games use the net in some way.  Perhaps it is an addiction, I remember first getting on the Internet to where this big whole magical world was opened up to me--unlimited knowledge at your finger tips, and it has evolved since then to include just about everything.  AOL was the big service when I first signed on for the first time--and I still use AOL instant messenger but not many of the people I know do anymore. 

Today was a wasteful day, yet again getting nothing productive done.  I started reading an ebook on how to use google blogger, maybe I will learn something new that will help me by leaps and bounds.

I can't seem to shake my current feeling of depression, and I still can't seem to escape my rut--I am so stuck...spinning my tires in the mud and never really getting anywhere.  Time to figure out how to think outside the box....now where did I put that box?

A little bit at a time

Another view from where I grew up.

It hasn't been a good day (yesterday technically) though I thought I would write a bit to get my mind off my mind so to speak.

Life has a way of playing with your emotions I believe, telling you one thing and giving you another.  Sometimes I feel like I let my emotions get the best of me and given into Terry Goodkind's Wizard Rule #3: "Passion rules reason."  Too often our emotions get the best of our rationing abilities and beat us down a bit.  Yesterday was one of those days. 

Today it is late and I am still awake, and alone with my thoughts for a while.  I'm listening to music, not wanting to sleep for I do not want to face the next day but instead fix all the problems I have in my world.

Life is complicated....a little too complicated just to live everyday.  Sometimes I wonder if I follow in the footsteps of my genetic past, where depression and other issues seem to exist.  I try to overcome, but my demons still get the best of me at times.  We all have our own individual demons, but it seems mine like to weigh me down and try and keep me down every day or so. 

In other news, I'm happy with the way my blog looks--I haven't yet made any money through google adsense but you never know.  The blog is important to me, precious to me (yesss, my preciousss). And there should be a place where my once creative mind can once again exist, and thrive.  Not only do I enjoy writing and photography, I enjoy layout as many journalists do.  I've been skimping a bit of the editing part {so if you see any mistakes please point them out and I will give you an imaginary cookie}

I often find myself wondering what mark I will leave on the world--or if I will make a mark at all.  I feel that even if I make a difference in one persons life I will have done something. 

I feel like I've lost a lot of myself and hope to get the chance to find me again.

Bonus Blog

I've been playing around with my blog for a while today and it made me feel very productive.  Rediscovering my passion for writing has really started the wheels turning again, and I'm really enjoying playing around on blogger with all the different options and features.

I added to the about me feature and even posted one of my favorite photos of myself.  I tried writing several bios and after several attempts ended up with the current one I have--it is still a little rough around the edges.

I'm having a little trouble with the twitter app--when opening twitpics it opens them in the small box provided for tweets and I was hoping it would open in an external window instead.  I may have to search for a new twitter gadget. 

Another thing I added was google adsense, which means I can make cash off the advertisements provided when people visit them.  I'm not allowed to actually click on them myself, so hopefully I won't accidentally do so.  It would be nice to earn a little cash, even if I made $1 I think I would be happy.

Right now instead of forming another blog just for reviews I think I may experiment with a few reviews here on this blog and see where I want to take it.  The sky is the limit.

I think it would be a dream job to be a professional blogger however, so thankfully I'm trying this out, and I'm considering opening up a facebook account just to advertise for the blog and to try to get people reading. 

I'm curious as to how long it will take before I start showing up in search engines.  Time will tell I'm sure, until then I'm just going to have fun.