Remembrance

So Guy Fawkes Day is today, and it has traditionally become a day I celebrate by watching V for Vendetta. I'm going to watch it of course, but I'm also going to think of ways to change my life for the better as well as the world.

I've been drifting along and I'm so sick of just getting by--I have to change it and I have to figure out how. I'm sinking in a world that doesn't care that much.

I need a plan, a plot, I need to try something new. By January of 2012 I have to be in a new job or bust. I've become too unused to trying that I need to force myself to try again.

I've got this neat little iPod blogger app so I want to try blogging again for a while. I'm also planning to try a bit of iPod publishing with it focusing on iPod apps and seeing where it goes from there. It could be a fun little venture.

I've gotta find something I love to do in my life before I loathe simply living my life. I've been disconnected from everyone and everything and finding a new connection seems difficult, while maintaining connections seem too often one sided. It is rare when people take an interest in me--but I love those rare people for it as well.

Since I last posted I've also taken an interest in politics once again, and I've discovered I'm a little more libertarian minded at present.

I need to change many things and I feel such a journey begins with a single step....step...

TKO

I have to say this week has not been a good one--I've mostly just been trying to survive and am feeling just a bit too stressed out in life.

Wishing I had any of my long lost friends just to talk to.

I'm tired of life and I just don't know what to do to change everything around. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

The price you pay for being antisocial is nobody really wants to socialize with you when you need people.

Right now I'm just chilling out with music and hoping I can turn things around. Please let me turn things around...

Rain

It was a rainy, dreary day.  Some days I just hate Mondays and today was a very good reminder of that.  Work was busy as I just wasn't in the right mindset to handle it.

 

I was also reminded today why I want so bad to get out of this place as someone came through who was a relative of someone I went to high school with, which reminded me of how successful many of my friends from highschool are who didn't even attend college.  If I'd have gotten into the job market right out of high school I think I would have been in a better job situation by now.

 

On the flip side if I'd not went to college I would not be who I am now, who is someone I am actually starting to like.  I really need to find a work I love, whatever that work may be--I'm just not sure what I want to do however.

 

I wish I was on some tropical island somewhere just chilling out sipping fruity alcoholic drinks lol.

#ZombieApocalpyse

There are some mornings I just wake up and hope for a Zombie Apocalypse, but at the same time I feel I am unprepared for such an occurrence.  I'm constantly trying to formulate a plan in the case for a possible zombie invasion.

 

I know that it may be unlikely but it could still happen--I definitely need to put a plan in place and read the Zombie Survival Guide one more time. I've contemplated taking over  a storage area and raiding the contents of said storage facility if such an attack happens.  I've took into account that many of the other areas such as Wal-Mart or other grocery stores will be looted and it will be in my best interest to avoid human raiders just as much as zombies.  I think perhaps it is time to get a zombie survival video game....

 

I wrote one blog entry already, but I felt the strong desire to write another tonight.  I'm feeling a bit lonely and a bit isolated from the world.  I hate feeling so isolated but I've choose to become this way as I don't go out that often, have people over, don't like to talk on the phone, I do love to write and email or even blog--but I've gotten so bad at it that people rarely talk to me. Perhaps I'm already avoiding people like they are zombies.

 

This weekend was far too short as previously stated and I didn't spend my time very well.  I've probably had more fun at work sadly than I've had at home.  My life isn't too extraordinary lately and I just want things to be shaken up a little bit.  The days when I can act young and stupid are rapidly disappearing and I've probably spent too much time acting like a square lol.

 

I know that even if I got everything I ever wanted I would probably still be unhappy and want more--I've learned however to enjoy the little things and to be satisfied at least with what I have.  Sometimes however on days like that everything I have seems a bit too boring.

 

Life is life and I'm going to keep on living--but I refuse to become a zombie at least until I get that fatal zombie bite during the zombie apocalypse.

Blah

It seems I've fallen out of blogging for the most part.  I think perhaps I've just been procrastinating as the want/need to write hasn't been stirring in me as much as it was previously.  I'm saddest to see that I've lost touch with people on Livejournal as well, not to mention everyone I've already lost touch with in the real world.  I've still been tweeting and trying to keep in touch with people via that service--but honestly I am already slipping with a few good friends on there too.  I don't like not talking to people, but perhaps I haven't been in the mood for much conversation.

 

I've attacked work head on, really trying to do well, and trying to push myself to be a better mercenary for the company that identifies me just as a plain number.  That's what major businesses are good for after all--I'm only as useful to them as long as I keep making them money, which I do so well they outa give me a gold star.  I'm honing my customer service skills and I'm biding my time as I check the want ads periodically while keeping my ear to the ground.  Long days are afoot and they tend to be mentally tiring sometimes and I just have to do everything I can do just to recharge my batteries on a daily basis.

 

I feel sad for the friends I've lost along the way so far--I realize I can be anti-social sometimes so I know the blame rests on my shoulders.

 

This weekend has been a wash--I'm not even sure I can call it a weekend as it is supposed to be two days and only felt like two hours--I'll admit I slept in til 10 today and 8 yesterday (lol stupid days I wake up when I don't desire to)

 

My life hasn't been so exciting--the highlights have been watching the Deadliest Warrior season finale of Vampires vs Zombies and playing random games on my ipod while generally just trying to keep my sanity intact.  I'm a little crazy to begin with I think but I don't need the gentlement in those fancy white coats to come knocking on my door.

 

I'm not sure if anyone will even read this but I love getting email, so if any of you out there decide you need an email penpal feel free to drop me a line: quixotichaven@gmail.com, feel free to even play with me a little bit and make me guess who it is and where I know you from.

 

I think life forgot me at some point....or at least that is what I would have used to say...actually I realize life really doesn't care about me or my plans--I've just got to make due with what I got and with a little luck and a little hope that great things will eventually come my way.

 

I've got most of the things I need in life, but definitely not everything I want nor the things I need for true fulfillment within my heart of hearts.  I do appreciate those things I do have and I appreciate the things I've loved and lost.

 

Life is said to be about the journey, not always about the destination--but with that journey sometimes you have rocky roads and cloudy skies and sometimes it feels like rain follows you where you go--we all have different paths and forks we can take down our path in life so we have control to an extent of what happens, the rest is up to fate. 

 

I'm someone who believes in karma, that if I do good things for the right reasons eventually all that good energy will come back around.  There are some days that I sincerely hope that is true.

 

 

Disconnected and Drifting Away

It has probably been a while since I wrote a proper blog that didn't come out as if it were just a bunch of tweets strung together.  Twitter has been a wonderful thing for when I am totally spaced out and unable to form more complex trains of thought.  Sometimes my attention span is very, very small and I use my free time very, very badly. 

 

Today is Saturday and I am sick with a cold, or something that has given me this horrible sore throat and the desire to do absolutely nothing.  I stayed up late into the night just listening to music and generally having no desire to really go to bed.  I also watched the Other Guys, again as we have been quoting it extensively at work between my own Talladega Nights quotes that I am throwing out there, "Shake and Bake!" Through this I found myself doing something I have never done at work: laughing.  I was filled with good cheer at a place that I have hated experiencing for years and I began to wonder if I am the same person or growing into someone new.

 

The pressure to be whatever anyone else wants is totally off my back, I am only what I make myself to be.  I write my own definition and don't base it off the ideals of other people.  I could label myself slacker somedays or corporate slave other days, but I'm most simply just me--the product of my experiences and the people I've met along paths in time.

 

I feel weird saying this but work is good and I'm having fun doing something that I never imagined I would.  It is only a temporary stop along my life's path and I feel that the next junction in my journey is coming up soon.  I've been trying new things and I'm always on the look out for signs of change.  I'm working on bettering myself inside as a person and being as kind as I can to the outside world--I'm hoping that I will find a star to wish upon and find the change I've desired for years.

 

The more I learn about me however the more disconnected I feel from the world as many of my deep connections with people have fallen away and I've had trouble establishing new ones.  I cannot bring the people back into my life who have gone out of it--but I can remember them as they are forever a part of me.

 

I'm drifting away to something new, something better than I've felt.  The cloud of depression will continue to lift and I will continue to overcome all my own little insecurities.  I still have my flaws I realize and I still have my scars--but as for fear that is also beginning to drift away.

 

There are positives and negatives in everything I realize and I hate being sick but I love just being able to lie around all day and watch movies or listening to music--tweet or even blog.

 

I do not regret the past and the choices I made, I only remember the failures as a stairstep to achievement--I hope it doesn't take too long to get to a greater chapter in my life but I do resolve to be "happy-go-lucky" until I get there.

Monday, Tuesday

I haven't been blogging as much and I feel a little bad about it.  Haven't been keeping up on LJ, so I'm sorry to my dear friends who have been missing out on my lovely comments.

 

I will eventually get better as things level out a bit more, and when I learn to manage my time a bit better.  Today marked the beginning of the second week of me being back to work.  It is starting to get better.  Work is work of course, but it isn't as tiring as it was.  I'm still getting used to the heat however and not having as much free time.

 

Twitter is still my social media friend, and I've put my tweets up here on LJ, for those curious to see. 

 

Had a long talk with my uncle tonight explaining netflix, and it was nice talking to him as me and him used to be pretty close while I was growing up.

 

I sadly feel sleepy and it is only about 8:30 p.m.

 

I'm going to find something to do, eventually however I will feel like writing more--perhaps on the weekend.

 

My last weekend was good and I ended up watching a lot of movies, which is always good :-) Bye for now all you friends out there who are still listening, I still apologize for not reading as much.

Weekending

I haven't been active with the blogging in the past few days and this is something I regret.  I like keep up with my thoughts usually but this week has been longer than I expected, two of the days were just simply exhausting.  Friday was however a good day and I just needed to chill out after I got home.

 

This week was busy, oh so busy and technology often failed, which made things way harder than they should have been.  Work is better than it ever was, despite being busy.  I feel confident in my position and though it isn't my ideal I'm still attempting to perform to the best of my ability, when before I was just trying to make it buy.  I work to live, I don't live to work--but a hard days work can still be satisfying when I feel like I gave it my all.

 

My nights have all turned into a blur between being tired and just losing track of time.  During the day I got to talk with some returning customers and I ever got invited to a movie night, which I am more than happy to go to at some point. 

 

Today is Saturday and marks the beginning of a three day weekend, care of Labor Day! I get another day of rest and recorvery for my leg muscles that have to get readjusted to standing for long preiods of time.

 

My back started randomly hurting yesterday and it concerns me as I've never gotten any back pain and it was a sharp pain originating in my left shoulder blade.

 

This weekend I'm going to rest and relax and look at see if there are any new jobs out there in the area.  A lot of apps are going on sale or for free in the ipod app store so I'm going to conclude this blog with a few of my current recommendations:

 

RobotSockets~a free tetris like game where you attempt to connect robot arms to rack up a score.

 

Zombie Highway~a free driving game where you try to knock zombies off your moving car by shooting them or sideswiping them into various obstacles.

 

Meernotes~an interesting note application

 

Thorn~a dugeon crawler with zombie chopping action and a time limit.

 

Flare~a video app for those who have an ipod 4th gen or an Iphone with video.

 

That is all, hope everyone has a good labor day weekend.

First Day

Today was my first day back at work, and I'll admit I was dreading it and probably thinking the worst.  It definitely wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.  I got to do the actual position I wanted all day and that was awesome after it had been taken away from me last year for no reason other than someone higher on the totem pole wanted it.  It was nice being back in fact--it was fast paced, we were busy almost all day.  I felt pain but I pushed through it and tapped into my Zen reserve as I'm calling it.

 

After all at this job I'm a mercenary, it isn't my passion but it pays the bills mostly.  It is bearable until something better comes along.  I'm making it a point to still look for that something better to come along every morning before work.  I do need a change to quote the popular line from the Lethal Weapon movies, "I'm getting too old for this shit."  Dead-end jobs not really my favorite, but I plan on making myself looking very good there before I find something new.  Now starts my new work PR campaign lol.

 

In other news I went to bed before 11 last night and woke up at 6am...not a fan of the whole 6am deal.

 

I'm going to try to leave some LJ comments for everyone when I get around to it, but if I get a little lax I do apologize.  I've gotta get readjusted, but today was proof that I can handle it better than I ever could.  It's so much better doing things when I for once have some self-esteem and take like as it comes, rolling with the punches.

 

Farewell for now LJ and Blogger--if anyone still reads this on Blogger I'll be surprised as I think my one fan disappeared a while back :-P

Independently Alone

"Watching" firefly in the background as I write this. Was listening to music and I needed a change of pace.  It's been a slow day for journaling and twittering--it seems like everyone I know is out somewhere living their lives.  It's the weekend after all and I'm sure many people are having a great time.  I need to get more friends who like to do things to break me out of my anti-social-ness.

 

Got my av cable for my ipod and it plays videos from netflix and youtube as well as whatever else I put on the actual ipod, or stream to it.  Music just puts up a black screen but plays music.  The games unfortunately won't show as I'd have hoped and they play like music.  I'll have to try to jailbreak the ipod later and see if I can mirror it.  Otherwise it is a great purchase at $15 with shipping and everything.  It's great for watching netflix or even youtube for that matter.  If you have an ipod and want a cheap AV cable I recommend the Belkin F8Z361tt06-P, as I wasn't about to pay full price for the Apple version.  Good deal and worth it.

 

I feel sleepy, I might take a nap later and just try to sleep all night for once.

 

If you have twitter and haven't added me yet hit me up @quixotichaven

 

Everyone have a wonderful day/night.

When Insomnia Strikes Back

I wasn't feeling so well earlier so I took two melatonin and went to bed at 9PM, however I only ended up sleeping for about three and a half hours. This leaves me lying in bed right now somewhere between being asleep and being awake.

I had so hoped I could correct my sleep schedule before Monday, Monday most likely is going to suck with work...

I find myself pondering all the mysteries of the universe at this point. Just lying here thinking about all the people who have past through my life and all the people who I don't really know anymore. It saddens me. Sometimes I wish that my words had the power to bring them all back.

I remember blogging at one time long ago, writing such utterly depressing blogs looking for sympathy. I never want to do that again as it was so selfish of me--I wanted everyone's pity and through that it didn't lead to any form of real connection at all.

I've come a long way since being an "emo kid" as some people would say. I've learned to control my emotions better or at least learned to not let them overwhelm me for days and days. Progress sometimes only happens one day at a time.

I want to have true friendships again, though I've become so anti-social it's so hard to really meet people. Anyone out there interested in becoming email penpals? I'd love to practice writing a bit more with a few of you; while getting to know you better

Life hasn't turned out the way I've wanted it to, I know it is up to me alone to change things, but where do you go when you've lost direction and are spinning about? I want to feel the emotion I feel when learning about someone for the first time and really hitting it off.

I think it may be time for me to attempt a reconnect with the few people I know how to find.

I so very much hate to lose touch; in a world where we have email, Facebook and twitter I have still never felt so disconnected from people. I need to get out and live life a little bit better as "I'm getting too old for this shit."

It's hard transitioning from the world of school where you feel like you can do well without even truly trying to living in a world where the harder you try the more you seem to fall flat on your face.

I want to feel alive, to taste victory, and I want to see the world before it is too late. I feel like I am trapped in a box unable to claw my way out and just feel better.

I'm out of touch and as I said many years ago that still rings true: I am of this world, but not part of it.

I've never really found any place where I truly felt at home, even where I grew up I had my head in the clouds and lived my life chasing stars.

Where do I go from here?

Solitaire

I miss having true connections with people, I've only met a few people I've truly connected with in my life and they could always make me feel better just by talking to them.  It seems all of them have moved on to bigger or better things, all of those things not involving me.

 

It depresses me that I lost my best friend a few years back and I haven't seen him or heard from him since and I couldn't even imagine how to find him as he's very adamant about not having any form of social media and he's not one just to put his name out there.  Best guy friend I ever had as every other time in my life I've connected better with women on a friendship level.

 

Feeling a little lonely and wishing I had more friends or anything to do really.  Sometimes I just wish I had someone to write to on a daily basis.  Journaling helps but it just isn't the same as a real conversation when you need it.

 

Was waiting on my AV cord today that never came; I think the mailman only runs on days he feels like it.  I just hope I get it before Monday so that leaves only tomorrow. 

 

I wasn't really feeling so depressed today, but right now I do. 

 

I tried intergrating twitter with the LJ and it just didn't work as I was tweeting like crazy.

 

I wish I had some junk food :(

Push

It seems I missed posting an entry yesterday.  I do hate it when I fall so far behind that I forget to do things I'd like to do everyday.

I spent yesterday tweeting and watching Smallville--up to season 7 and I swear even though I'm only a few seasons in I have a crush on the supergirl character.

I've discovered that if I post random movie quotes via twitter with the appropriate tags that I get followers and people who retweet--I'm going to test my theory accordingly.

I swear I go from periods of time to where everyone wants to talk to me, to where nobody wants to--there never seems to be an in between and I so hate losing out on good conversation.

Listening to Matchbox 20 currently and probably spent five minutes trying to untangle my earbuds to do so.

I've been in a weird mood lately and perhaps my currently blog entry is probably going to read like a string of tweets instead of being cohesive.

I work Monday, and I'll regret later not acquiring a new job, but for now I'm just going to wing it.  

Now comes the time to go around catching up a bit with everyone, hello everyone!

So wordpress absolutely refuses to accept my email posting, so I've decided that I probably will not be using it anymore.  I've got my LJ and my Blogger and that's all I need.  The blogger being the only one with the potential to earn me money while the LJ being the only one anyone will actually read--go figure.  Very unfortunate that I can't combine the two.

Passion Rules Reason

Wizard's Third Rule: "Passion Rules Reason, for better or for worse."

 

I have to say that this rule often applies in my case.   Often in being quixotic I tend to let my emotions lead me rather than my actual mind.  There is much strength to be found in reason and acting rationally, but when I see something I desire I often do not wish to accept that which is unattainable.  In life by going by feelings rather than both feelings and reason I've gone down paths that have ultimately been left to failure.  How many bridges burn and how many friendships lost due to unrequited love?  I'm not sure I have an answer.  But it's just too bad.  Somewhere along the way of failing so much I built the wall just a little high.  Something would come along and knock it down and I'd put it up again just a little bit higher.

 

"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be.  Now put foundations under them." ~Thoreau

 

The reality is that the reality of the world may never be is good as the world I imagine in my own mind.  I'd have to say I believe in karma, but the question is where did I go wrong that I can't figure out what to do with my life?  I'm content with my world for now, but it could be so much greater.  I just don't know where to turn in order to change things.  I've been looking in my mind for many years for the answer but I can only conclude that the answer is somewhere out in the world.  It doesn't help to seek an answer when you can't go out in find it. 

 

Last night I felt depressed and after I consumed a large helping of Doritos I discovered that perhaps it was do to blood sugar issues.  I should probably go to the doctor again, when I can afford to do so as I stand at high risk for diabetes--firstly it is hereditary, and also I don't diet and exercise like I should, plus when I get in a depressed mood I often stress eat in order to try to fill up a void.

 

Something has got to change.  I'm not sure if I'm supposed to go back to work tomorrow as I've called the second time for no answer and I was told previously the 29th so that is the date I'm going with unless they call me and tell me otherwise.  I left a voicemail.  I'm currently on unemployment and food stamps due to being unable to find a job--but truthfully even if I dislike my job I'd rather be working instead of just receiving those.  I'm still very much in the red and the lack of money to pay bills is at a critical level.

 

I've been playing the game of nationstates twice a day every day and I feel like my nations are doing quite well.  My oldest and greatest being Palidor where despite my own political beliefs I decided to outlaw political freedom.  It is deemed a "Father Knows Best State" and I think that perhaps this is how I will run my own country someday, or perhaps the world.  Giving a large amount of civil liberties and yet cutting out an actual political system as the system has been doing quite crappy for its citizens as of late.

 

I got the game Siege Hero the other day for my ipod and I've been playing it frequently enough to unlock all the gamecenter achievments but one.  Currently ranked #2,782 out of 807, 451 people.  Game play is parellel to angry birds as you are trying to knock down castles or "sieges" in attempt to crush the enemy characters as well as to not harm the captive peasants on levels that have peasants.  It doesn't have a slingshot like angry birds but instead you just tap a place on the castle and fire.  So very addicting and it is still free if you have an ipod/iphone.

 

Right now I'm going to find something to do, my eyes start hurting after staring at a computer screen for too long, so a quick rest is in order and then onto livejournal comments.

 

"You can't stop the signal"

The Waning of an Overexhausted Mind

It seems I have been struck down all of a sudden with the feeling of overwhelming depression.  I feel it is important for me to document these cases as they occur to better understand the fluctuation of my moods. 

 

The thing is my brain is a very funny thing sometimes and I don't understand it at all when if fall into this mood with not anything truly setting me off.  When I hit a period of constant depressing thoughts I often fall into total oblivion within myself, eventually the only thing that can bring me out of it is something resembling a nervous breakdown.  After I hit that very low point I tend to snap back into a better mood very quickly.

 

My mind often feels as if there has been a fog placed over it where it is impossible to truly think clearly.  Writing has become one of the clearest ways I've found to force thought.

 

I'm very tired today, my mind especially and I feel like I need to go to bed very early.  I don't want to go to bed but I'm not sure I have much choice with my zombie-like feelings.

 

I'm not sure if anyone will even read this or want to reply to it--but if you do I thank you in advance for your compassion.

 

Good night everyone, it is my hope that I will be more of myself tomorrow.

Hope in a Box

I'm reminded of how much I truly enjoy forming connections with people and how they are so rare in my life.  I especially enjoy very long conversations that I never want to end.  I won't go into details as the involved party will probably be the only one who gets this.  It's something I felt I need to mention as my blogs are about things that are important to me.

 

I've found that often when I write blog entries or even when I just talk there are still parts of me that I never let anyone see or open up to anyone about.  I learned a long time ago to never put myself too far out there or really let anyone into the depths.  Pain is not something I care to deal with on a daily basis.

 

The question I ask myself often is "Am I strong enough to be who I want to be?"  I hope that someday I find the answer to that question.  I keep learning about new parts of me and I've learned I don't hate myself like I used to think I did.  Depression tends to tell our minds the lies of a thousand insults.

 

I have hope for the future and hope everything will work out in my favor eventually.  I've got to remember to always keep a positive attitude even on the worst days when the world falls in around me.

 

Today I don't feel that way, today has been a good day and I've caught myself smiling more often than usual.

 

I have my reasons for doing so, but that is something reserved.

 

I enjoy waking up everyday and learning something new.  I think my childhood wonder is still in there somewhere, which means so is my creativity. 

 

Hope is rekindled.

 

Have you ever had days when you just wanted to move to a new place and start all over?  Maybe take a chance, sink or swim.  There have been many chances in my life left untaken and the past cannot be fixed only the present, which will alter the course of the future.

 

So I called the bossman and didn't get anything but the voicemail.  Left a message but I have no idea when I go back to work.  I'm not sure if I actually care or not.  They definitely need to get their dates straight.

 

Listening to Pandora radio and that reminded me of the one thing that didn't escape Pandora's box in mythology: Hope :-)

Just a Day

It seems my gmail inbox has been filling up with email notifications from twitter and livejournal, and I have to say I kinda like it.  It's nice being able to have conversations with random people and I've already met so many wonderful people; who I hope to form closer bonds with.  I love it so much here I am writing about it.

 

I didn't sleep so well last night and played Siege Hero until I got totally stuck on a level where I can't seem to even win at all, let alone get the gold crown.  Beat the first half of it anyways and it is very much like Angry Birds, though I didn't have to pay a cent for it.  I love getting free Ipod apps of note.  Some I've paid for I don't even play that much.  But, as I was saying I didn't sleep so well and found myself lying in bed even though despite having taken melatonin.  Sometimes it makes me very drowsy and sometimes it has no effect whatsoever.

 

I woke up late, again, and I'm parents came for a visit.  It is always nice seeing them and we went out to Wendy's and then to a couple shops around town--I didn't buy anything and the heat got to me and made me feel a bit ill.  I hate hot days like that.

 

After the trip around town we came back to my house and watched Unknown, which I found to be enjoyable though it still didn't have as much action as Taken, which is what I heard one review said it had more than.  Good movie, after that I convinced them to watch an episode of Deadliest Warrior, I think they liked it--it was the George Washington vs. Napoleon episode.  I enjoyed it too as I hadn't seen it.

 

Now I am just chilling and thinking.  I'm feeling like everyone is busy tonight as twitter just isn't as hopping as usual.  That gives me time to catch up with livejournal.  My strategy is I reply to most comments my LJ inbox tells me about and then I go through popping up entries that seem like I could leave a nice comment on, then I try to make as many comments of note I can.  I'd like to apologize to any LJ friends I've missed so far, I really like leaving comments and being involved in the conversation. 

 

The journey of self-discovery continues, sometimes I learn things about myself that surprise me as different people tend to show me another side to me, or bring out different personality traits.  I most times respond to the emotions around me and I generally start feeling whatever emotion it is.  Not sure if that makes sense or not.

 

Tomorrow I've gotta call the boss man and find out if I work a week from now or a couple of days.  Again I'm dedicated to just making my money and going home as this is a job, not a career.  One of these days I will be lucky enough to get a career, I just hope it doesn't take me 10 years. 

 

I'd like to conclude by saying, not every day is full of bliss, but the majority of my days aren't filled with sorrow either.  Alot of days are just days, and living with depression at times that is what I am lucky enough to get.  I do enjoy when things go my way, when I have power over my own destiny or can help shape the world around me, but some days I've just gotta go with the flow, let chance or fate decide and hope with all my heart that my boat doesn't flip over. So goes life.

Muy Caliente

Did I spell that right? No bother as who needs grammar after all--not me in entries anyways.

 

It is so very hot today and I didn't realize how hot I was until I felt like I was beginning to cook.  The AC just never keeps up and we have a backup in the window that we have to crank on just to make the temp bearable.  It is so lovely being in a room where I don't feel like I am cooking like a Thanksgiving turkey.  I'm sure lying on a leather couch doesn't help much either.  Going to hate the electric bill, but love the AC. Blasted government monopolied electric company,

 

Been tweeting and conversing via tweet--fun stuff that twitter but I'm not going to go as crazy as I was before. 

 

I'm glad I'm back on livejournal as well and I've already met many interesting people--livejournal is probably the reason I love twitter anyways as twitter is just micro-blogging, meeting strangers and hopefully getting to know them.  LJ was always a bit deeper than that and coming back to it always feels like coming home--don't know when I first started using it but it was years ago and I'm still friends with the person who introduced me to it in the first place.

 

I think I've decided if I ever get together enough money to travel abroad, the first place I am going to travel is the UK, I think that would be a really enjoyable trip and I wouldn't have to learn another language to visit.  I especially want to tour Scotland and see some of the English Countryside.  I've meet so many interesting people from the UK on twitter already and I hope to meet more.

 

This is another day where I haven't done all that much.  I've got to remember to call my employer on Monday as I think the boss man told me the wrong day to come back, per usual.  Not looking forward to it but I need to money to get out of the red.  I tend to be in the red even when I'm working, so goes life. 

 

At the very least I'm alive--I'm not prospering but I've got the essentials and a few of the luxuries, someday I'll get my job as an aspiring journalist--but who is willing to hire someone who can't seem to break into the business?  I've been out of school 5 years come December and so far many attempts and nonody has desired to hire me. It might also be that I'm very introverted and the hire people who are simply more outgoing.

 

I'm just trying to be more content with what I have, it never seemed to help when I was always worried about not being as good as everyone else.

Introspective Inspection

I'd have to say I really enjoy blogging, even though I haven't had anything exciting to say for a while now.  Just examining my life has been enjoyable, and blogging is definitely better than therapy.  Everyone is a little crazy I believe, I know I have my quirks--I do things I regret or sometimes say things that don't make any sense to the outside world.  I pride myself in being random and living life in a Quixotic Haven.

I've been determined not to play the fool in my own life story, but instead the hero who rights wrongs wherever he can.  Some days I feel like I've stumbled off my path a bit, going with things I feel passionately about instead of letting reason rule as it should.  "Passion Rules Reason." as a rule of course. 

I very much would like to take a trip and visit some place new, some place more interesting than my current surroundings. Life's too short and it gets just a little bit shorter when you're short on cash, and in a little bit more debt than you want to be.  Going in debt to pay for an education is to be expected, but at the same time if I were easier to find a good job I might dig myself out of the financial hole.  Sadly money matters--some people have too much and don't even know what to do with it all.  

Personally I always thought knowledge more important than wealth, but the way the world works tells me otherwise.  Hence why I choose to live in my own little world.  At least when I'm blogging I don't have to answer to any other authority for while--just my own, my own ramblings.

So I now have a livejournal again, and I'm looking forward to developing some bonds and friendships with people--I've always loved reading about the stories of others as they were always so much more interesting than my own.  I like that I can post one email from anywhere and it posts simultaneously to blogger, livejournal, and even wordpress on occasion when wordpress isn't being dumb.  All the posts when they post are delayed and I'm not checking to make sure it posts this time so it will have to go on faith.  

I went out on twitter overload so I've back off on being so crazy and talking so much.  I like having followers but sadly I've only gotten to really talk to a handful of them.  Some tweets have gotten a little more scandalous than others on my side of things so I'm going to have to remember that everyone on the internet can see such things.  I've after all got to maintain a positive image, to a point.  Otherwise I just want to be myself, I'm a bit of an average joe in most respects, but unique in other things.  I appreciate originality in people and I generally do my own thing, whatever that might be.

I have a bit of fun when I can as well.  I'm going to post my 1000th tweet on twitter at some point tonight I think, I only have a handful of them to go--plus of course it helps when I have conversations on there with people, which I love to do.  I've gotta get some more followers without getting sucked into the social media vortex where it becomes all consuming to the point where I tweet about everything and never really live life.

"I have my moments, not many of them but I do have them."  

Life is about living after all, and as far as I know I only have the one life to live.

Everything's #Shiny

Today has been a day in a half already.  I woke up at 5am and played around with the idea of getting out of bed for a few hours.  The dog finally convinced me to get up and let him out, only he wouldn't go out and was being stubborn.  He just kept looking at me but wasn't telling me what he wanted, so I suppose he just wanted a little loving.

 

The majority of my day was actually spent watching tv, listening to music and generally tweeting about everything.  I've fallen in love with twitter I admit and I didn't quite understand it a week or so ago.  Glad that opened up for me.  I've actually met a lot of interesting people and had some good conversations so far--I hope to have a lot more, and hopefully I'm not bugging anyone as much as I try to talk to people.

 

The one thing I noticed about twitter is there are a lot of people using auto-tweet programs and posting random things like advertisements.  I had to unfollow a whole lot of them.  Before I was used to following more people than were follow me.  I just don't like my twitter feed clogged up with spam I guess.

 

Originally I was going to post a blog about Twitterific vs. Tweetbot, but I found I preferred Twitterific until I discovered Twitbird, which is my absolute favorite twitter ipod app at present.  It just has a lot more features, a better design, I can even find people close to me geographically. That's always fun.

 

In other news #shiny is my new tag when I tweet, I'll tweet it usually when I'm saying something nice or something I think is absolutely brilliant. The world pertains to the Serenity/Firefly series if you were wondering.  "Everything's shiny captain."

 

I feel so tired today I haven't done anything productive, but it has been quite relaxing.  I've got to enjoy every moment as the grind is coming back soon, work work work.  I prefer sleep, sleep, sleep. 

 

I'm getting back in the blogging habit, though I am looking forward to the time when I have a real event to blog about.  My life is a bit dull somedays so it is nice hearing other peoples stories.

 

#Shiny